It has come to my attention that someone is planning a Jimmy Buffet ™ Parrothead ™ themed Spec e30 race car. As a person who somewhat lives in the style popularized by the pre-sellout Buffett the idea of a Parrotthead ™ car makes me retch. Buffett personifies the out of control consumerism that fuels the "Great American Nightmare" As a matter of fact, the last time Hunter S. Thompson saw Buffett he kicked him square in the nads.
Maybe I should share a story…
Back in the day, I was the designated driver for a group of Buffett fans whenever he played in NC. Years before I had caused a couple of guys from the group to lose their jobs, so my DD duty was payback to avoid any bad karma…that and the fact I always had an extended bodied stalker type van which could haul them.
These guys were hard core underachiver-sofa surfers, the kind of guys that would glue your cat to the wall and leave a shart stain on your upholstery if left unattended. If you were with these guys you never knew if you would get arrested, beaten, or vomited on ( I got all three…). More than likely you would
not get laid as most of them were walking birth control. If you were silly enough to bring a girl around them, they would of course try to steal her, along with your booze and vehicle. These guys,along with most of the other folks at the Buffett shows pretty much had the same non conformist attitude. They lived this
way, they didn’t just come out for one day and act like they were some "free spirit". Of course, somewhere down the line things changed, I stopped getting the calls to go to the shows, you started reading about
Parrottheads ™ and the giant tailgate displays (trying to outdo their neighboors) and silly hats. It seemed that as Buffett sold out, he attracted fans that had sold out, people more into keeping up with the Jones’. People that imagined living at the beach while sitting in their cubicle. So one time a year they
slithered out and acted like they were some kind of tropical party animal…
So why you ask am I so down on these folks???
Well let me tell you. If I showed up today at a Buffett show with a green 1974 Dodge extended body stalker van with green shag carpet and 3 or 4 real beach living folks the Parrottheads ™ would either call
security or at least give us dirty looks and keep their distance. Yep, that is right. People who actually live like Buffett romantisized in the 70’s are looked down upon by the Parrotthead ™ of today. Makes me want to puke. So if a Parrotthead ™ Spec e30 shows up, I may chug some Monte Alban and vomit on it. If
the owner is actually "Old School" then I invite him to share some mezcal and vomit on my car.
Al
